Hurt
by BellaAlice4E
Summary: Well this is my first and only depressing/suicide themed story. Edward left Bella and she just couldn't take the pain and emptiness any longer...I don't know if I am going to add any to this yet...
1. Chapter 1

**Hurt**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Bella, Alice, Edward or any of the other Twilight characters. I am only borrowing them from Stephenie Meyer for my own entertainment and hopefully your entertainment. Enjoy!**

_**Edward left Bella in the woods alone telling her they were all leaving for her own good. This actually wasn't for Bella's own good. It left her depressed. **_

_*****Caution: rated M for suicidal reasons and possible future chapters content. *****_

_**BPOV**_

It hurt. It hurt so bad I thought my heart was being ripped out of my chest by his hand itself. Why? What did I do wrong? What did I do to deserve this? All gone. They're all gone. I am all alone in this rainy forest in the dark by myself. Why?

There was a rustling of leaves somewhere near me. What was out here in the dark with me? Did he come back? Did one of them come back for me? What was coming for me?

"Bella, are you out here?" I heard a male voice. It wasn't anyone I ever remember hearing before. It sure wasn't Edward.

I just lay there curled up in a ball soaked to the bone crying. Suddenly I felt arms lifting me up. They were strong arms but they weren't anyone I knew. I tried to fight them but they had a good hold on me and I wasn't going anywhere. I never opened my eyes.

Then I heard my dad.

"Bells, are you ok? Did _he_ leave you out here alone? I'm going to kill him!"

"No. I made him leave dad. Just take me home. I want to go home." I said softly. I don't know why I covered for him.

Who ever had me placed me in the front seat of my dad's cruiser and made sure I had a seatbelt on. My dad climbed in the driver seat and started the car.

"Thank you again Sam." My dad said as he pulled away. Who was Sam?

I leaned against the window as my father drove. I stared at absolutely nothing. My mind was still raising at the events that led up to Edward leaving.

"_It will be as if I'd never existed."_

I still remember him saying that before he left. When my dad pulled up to the house I jumped out of the car and ran into the house. I ran up the stairs to my room. Of course he wasn't there. None of them were, but along with them missing was my CD Edward had made me, my prom pictures, matter of fact all my pictures with the Cullen's were gone. Everything. It was as if he'd never existed. All I had left of them were my memories. He couldn't take those from me. Those were mine to keep and torture myself with.

I sat on my bed and placed my face in my hands and cried again. My whole life as I had known it was gone. My future was gone. He was gone.

I lay down on my bed and cried myself to sleep. Tomorrow was going to be hell on earth for me. I wished I could go to sleep and never wake again. It would be so much better. I wouldn't be dying inside right now. Right now I wish I was really dying. I just wanted to pain to stop. I just wanted to stop feeling.

I went to school the next day but I went through the day in a haze. I don't remember anything. It went on like this for months. Then one day I just couldn't take it anymore. I had to stop hurting. I had to stop missing him. I had to stop crying. It all had to stop.

Charlie was at work on Saturday when I decided it was over.

I woke up from a long night of crying. I went to Edward and my meadow. I carried with me only the things I would need. A piece of paper, a pen, and a knife, I sat down in the middle of the field and started to write.

Cha Dad,

I know that you only want me to be happy and I'm sorry that I have disappointed you and mom. I loved him and I know you can't understand that. I loved him with everything I had and it wasn't enough. I didn't do something enough or right. I don't know which. All I know is that I can't handle this pain anymore. I can't keep waking to a world without him. I just can't. I love you and mom and make sure she knows that. One day I will probably see you again. If not, just know that you didn't do anything wrong. It was all me. I'm sorry.

Bella

I placed the note under a small enough stone that someone would find it but big enough that the wind wouldn't blow it away. I looked up at the bright sun and waited. I knew that this was it. I picked up the knife. It wasn't a big butcher knife but more like one of those little paring knives. I didn't need anything big or fancy to do what I wanted. This one was just perfect.

I took the knife and with my right hand I made a nice neat clean deep cut to my left wrist. In just the right spot. I watched the blood start to well up and ooze down my wrist. I took the knife in my now weak left hand and attempted to make a similarly deep cut. This one wasn't quite as deep but I watched the blood well up again. I dropped the knife. I just sat there watching my blood mix with the grass of our meadow. I didn't try to stop any of it. This is what I wanted. This was my release. I didn't feel the pain anymore. After a few minutes I noticed my arms were getting number and my vision was getting hazy. I swear I saw him standing there in front of me. Then my vision messed with my head because he morphed into Alice.

"Oh shit." I said barely loud enough to hear myself. I forgot she'd see me. Was she really standing there in front of me? If she was, where was he?

I noticed I was no longer sitting up. I was lying in my own blood in the grass.

"Bella, NO!" I heard someone yell. I couldn't tell if it was real or my imagination. I suddenly felt lighter. Was this what it felt like to die? I felt nothing but lightness. I never imagined I'd feel that. I looked around and the whole world was a blur. Wow, my vision was really playing with me. I think I passed out at this point. Blood loss and all.

"Is she going to be ok?" I heard faintly.

I wondered who they were talking about. I was dead.

"I don't know. She lost a lot of blood Alice." That was a male voice. Not _his_ though.

"Carlisle, you can't let her die. I would never forgive myself if I lost Bella. I never got to tell her." That was Alice again.

"There's only one way to save her now Alice. She's lost too much blood to even try infusing her with what little we have here. I just don't have enough. Alice, Edward doesn't want her turned. He's not here. If she isn't she'll surely die. I will let you make the decision. You're the only one who can tell how Edward would react and the only one who can tell the outcome of doing so. What do you want to do Alice?"

"You know you don't have to ask. You already know what I want Carlisle. Please." She pleaded.

"No, you need to do it. I know you can. Trust yourself Alice." He said softly.

"Ok." She replied.

How come I can hear their whole conversation? I was dead. I felt my world whirl by. I had to be dead. Then I felt it. I don't know if it was heaven or hell. All I know is it burned like fire. I was on fire. First I felt it in my hand, then I felt it in my arm, then I felt it in my neck, and then it was in my chest. I was being consumed by fire. Now I'm definitely dying. The fire tore through my whole body. It burned. My body involuntarily convulsed. I couldn't take the pain anymore. I didn't want more pain. I wanted it to stop. I closed my eyes. What was happening to me? Then I remembered Carlisle's words.

"_Alice, Edward doesn't want her turned. He's not here. If she isn't she'll surely die."_

Was he talking about me becoming like them. Me becoming a vampire like Edward. Living eternally? That's not what I wanted. I wanted to die. I didn't want this. Let me die.

"Let me die." I tried to scream but it came out more like a whisper.

"I can't, Bella. I could never let you die." She whispered.

"Why?" was all I could ask?

"Because Bella, I love you." Those were the last words I heard before I passed out from the pain.

**I warned you about the suicidal parts. If you're offended or don't like the story I'm sorry. No I am not suicidal. I was listening to some music and for some dumb reason the thought actually entered my mind for this story. I personally am against suicide but those are my beliefs. To each their own, I do hope that some find this as purely entertainment. I am sorry to those that this might bother. I have no desire to write another along these events. This is my only piece that will contain this material. I am not asking for reviews in order to write more but if enough people find this story interesting enough I may write more to it. Thank you and again this is only a story. **

**BellaAlice4E!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hurt**

**Chapter Two**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Bella, Alice, Edward or any of the other Twilight characters. I am only borrowing them from Stephenie Meyer for my own entertainment and hopefully your entertainment. Enjoy!**

_**Bella awakens after being changed. All she remembers is everyone leaving and becoming so depressed. She also remembers burning.**_

_*****Caution: rated M for suicidal memories and possible future chapters' content. *****_

_**BPOV**_

When I awoke I was groggy and disoriented. My surroundings looked slightly familiar but different too. It took me a few minutes to realize where I was. I was lying in Alice's bed at her house. How I got here was beyond me. The last thing I remember was writing my dad the letter and cutting my wrists. I remember watching the blood drain from my body and seeing him. Then he was gone and she was there.

Of course she was, she could see the future and after I made up my mind she saw me cut myself. Why hadn't I been prepared for that? Because I was so depressed and only wanted it all to end. I didn't think of the fact that my best friend would see me. My best friend! Yeah, well she was until she left me alone and hurt. If she could really see the future she would have seen me hurting long before Edward left me.

_My best friend…_

I looked around the room and saw it was empty. I could hear people downstairs talking though.

"_She cut herself Edward. She tried to end her life because we all listened to you. You thought it would be better for her and look what happened. How could you think after loving her like you do that leaving her like that would be ok? You're older than most of us and yet you acted like a fool."_

"_No matter what happened I still feel it was safer for her. Victoria was still out there hunting her and Jasper had a moment of weakness. I seriously thought she'd be safer. How was I supposed to know she tried to end her life? For that matter how come you didn't know Alice?"_

"_I don't know. I should have known she was hurting but for some reason I couldn't see her. Edward, I had to be the one to change her to keep her from dying. Do you know how scared I was? Do you care that I am the one that changed her and not you?"_

"_Of course I care. I'm sorry you had to do that. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for her. I'm glad you were though. Alice, I know how much you truly care for her. You can't hide it from me. I've always known. I'm surprised she doesn't though."_

"_No one does. You only know because you can't keep out of my head. No one will ever know because she is meant for you. I know that. You know that. She believes that. I am content with being her best friend. At least I am there for her when she needs me. I only wish I had been there for her when she REALLY needed me."_

I heard someone coming up the steps and stopped listening to the conversation that I should never have been able to hear in the first place. I looked over at the doorway and saw Jasper standing there. He looked confused.

"Bella, are you ok? You don't seem to be frenzying, aren't you hungry?"

I forgot he can feel my emotions. I also just realized the burning in the back of my throat. Then I heard Edward's voice getting closer and it caused me to forget my hunger.

"Bella, are you awake?" he asked as he came through the door.

"Only when you guys keep asking me about it, what is going on here? Why am I here in the first place?"

"Alice brought you here after she found you in the meadow. She had to make the choice of changing you or letting you die. It was hard for her because she had never changed anyone before. She took the chance of changing you or killing you herself." Jasper told me.

Edward just stood there. I never wanted to attack someone as bad as I want to hurt him. This was actually all his fault. Well it was actually my fault but he led me down the dark road I went. I knew that I made the decision on my own but I also remember very vividly how I was hurting and hating life and living. I walked over to him and slapped him. He ended up flying out the doorway and down the hallway. I forgot how strong I was going to be and how I was going to be even stronger in the beginning than any of the others.

He just looked at me. Jasper had his arms around my waist holding me as best he could. Alice came flying up the stairs just then. She looked at Edward and then toward me. She walked over to me and touched Jasper's arm letting him know it was safe to release me. He did so and backed away from me.

"Bella, come with me please." She said as she grabbed my arm.

I just let her lead me down the hall and the stairway. We got out the front door and she stopped me.

"Bella, I'm sorry that I was too weak to leave you. I am sorry that I left you when I did. I am sorry for not being the friend I promised I would be. Most of all, and after I tell you this if you don't want to talk to me again I'll understand, I am sorry for not telling you the truth earlier. Isabella Marie Swan, I am unconditionally and irrevocably in love with you and I wish I could have been stronger to tell you this a long time ago. That is why I couldn't let you die. I am not sorry for falling in love with you. I am sorry for not telling you before. I should never have left you. That alone I will be eternally sorry for."

I just stood there. She was in love with me? First Edward fell in love with me and now his sister is in love with me. What was so special about me that would make one person fall for me let alone two? I just stood there staring at her. That's when I truly saw her for the first time.

I stood there staring at her golden eyes and noticed all the emotion that they stored. I looked at her and found myself looking at her as a lover would. Her pouty lips were inviting. Her eyes were hungry yet they also showed she was under control of that hunger. The way she stood told me she was vulnerable to what I would say next. Her hands were balled up and at her sides. She stood with her right foot making a small circular pattern on the ground.

"No, Jasper doesn't know about how I feel about you, I can actually keep secrets from him. It's Edward I have problems with. He can't seem to stay out of my head. It's actually frustrating. I am the worst best friend for you. I just wanted to tell you before Edward let it slip."

"I already know."

"How?" she asked.

"I heard you talking to Edward downstairs. At first I didn't realize that you were downstairs but then I realized I can hear well now so I understood it better. Alice, Edward tore my heart out and crushed it in front of my face. I remember cutting myself. I remember seeing you there. I remember you and Carlisle talking. I remember asking you why you did it, why you saved me. I also remember your answer. At that moment during the most excruciating pain I had ever experienced as a human being I realized something. I realized that I l _had _loved Edward. I also realized that I had fallen in love with someone else too. Alice, I had never fallen in love with another woman before. I won't say I never found one attractive before, just that I had never fallen in love before. I was actually surprised when I felt the impact of the meaning of your words." I watched her bite her lower lip. I think that if she could cry she would have.

I walked over to Alice and took her hand. She was actually trembling. I didn't know vampires could do that but I guess anything is possible. I looked deep into her eyes and I could see the uncertainty in them now.

"Alice, don't be scared. You're a vampire, you're supposed to be scary remember?" I asked her with a smile.

She noticed my smile and smiled a little. There was that amazing smile I can't seem to get enough of. I pulled her hand closer to my face and at the same time bent downwards and kissed the back of her hand. Even though we don't have to breathe I heard her exhale. I looked back up at her and pulled her towards me. I wrapped my arms around her and held her as close to me as possible. I then took my hand and lifted her face to me and I lightly kissed her beautifully pouty lips. As soon as mine touched hers I felt a kind of electrical charge that I NEVER felt when I kissed Edward or anyone else for that matter. It sent a wonderful sensation of tingles down my spine and toward every nerve in my body. I also felt her melt into me.

I felt the burning at the back of my throat again and pulled away from her.

"Alice, I need to feed. I can't keep it back any longer. Please come with me."

"Of course." She said. We went further into the woods and she watched me as I gracefully caught a stag and fed. The fact that I caught it with a gracefulness I never thought I had kind of surprised me. After I fed I felt a sensation I never knew I'd experience. I knew I wasn't finished. I knew I'd need more to sustain me since this is my first feeding I also felt a heightened awareness of my surroundings.

"Is this normal? The awareness I mean?" I asked her.

"Yes, and that is just the beginning Bella. You'll see." She smiled.

I tracked and fed on three does. I was full by then. I walked over to Alice and smiled. She looked a little shocked and confused. I was curious.

"What? Why are you shocked?"

"You're eyes are golden. They're not red. In the first year your eyes should stay red from the frenzy. You're eyes are a beautiful topaz color. I'm just a little shocked by it is all. At the same time I think I know why. I think it's from you being introduced to us from the beginning and not being turned without some kind of knowledge. They are like a sparkling version of your older self. I love them."

"Well, thank you. I love yours. Alice, I'm sorry. I should have realized what I was feeling but I guess I was ignorant of it. Thank you for being my friend though. I know it must have been torturous watching me with Edward. If I had known how you felt I would have made sure to keep it to a minimal when you were around. I never meant to bring you pain."

"I told myself that it was the way it was meant to be. I knew that since you didn't know I would never see us together. That made it easier to deal with. If I had ever seen us together and then we weren't it would have hurt much more. I knew I didn't want to lose you at all so I decided that being your friend was enough for me. It really wasn't but I knew I could live with it. So I did. Then he told us we all had to leave for your safety. At first I thought it sounded like a good idea but as I thought about it I knew it wouldn't be. I did it anyways. I will always regret that decision. I knew one day you'd be one of us. I didn't know that for that to happen you would have to suffer such pain and loss."

"Alice, I want you to know something. I've been thinking about it while I was hunting. Thank you for turning me. Thank you for it being you. I know you wanted Carlisle to at first because you were afraid. I wanted to die so badly but now I am happy that you did it. I would have never been thankful like this to anyone else. Alice, please understand that I wanted to die because of Edward not you, Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, Emmitt or Jasper. I hated that you all left but I knew deep down that he told you it was best and you all believed him. I would have too if the roles were reversed. Alice, I just want you to know that I am truly thankful to you for having the strength to save my life. I can never repay you for that but I hope that I can show you just how much you mean to me and how much that decision means to me. I love you so much Alice." I said as I pulled her close to me again and kissed her passionately. This time I didn't stop the kiss because this time everything was right. I was right. She was right. We are right.

I held her close and kissed her for what seemed like forever even though now I will know exactly what forever is. She is my forever.

This is my story of my death and rebirth. I did the unthinkable and tried to kill myself. I almost succeeded and was only miraculously saved by my true savior, my Alice. My heart was broken and she somehow knew how to heal it. I don't know how she truly did it but I am forever grateful to her for that. Grateful for my second chance, for my second life, and most importantly for my true love. Alice will never understand just how I feel about her but I hope I will be able to show her soon. She saved me from something that now looking back on it should have never done. I guess in a weird and bizarre way it led me to this. I am not saying try what I tried. I am simply saying that my outcome was unexpected but greatly welcomed. From this day on I will cherish every moment I have with this wonderful woman. I am realizing every moment just how much I love her. It has nothing to do with her being my savior, it has everything to do with how much I've always loved her just never seemed to realize before what it truly was. I am actually at my happiest ever. I am truly in love!

**Ok, this is a continuation of my first and only suicide story. I am not writing any more for this one because the matter is finished. I am sorry if you feel I should. I wrote this because I couldn't keep it the way I ended it before. I had to make Bella happy again. Everyone deserves happiness. At first I wanted to make Edward mean and uncaring in here but I couldn't so his part is miniscule. I hope you enjoy this at least a little. I'm sorry it's ending like this. I just can't seem to write anymore to it. Thank you all for the reviews on the first part of it. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Review if you want to. I am not asking or begging for them. If you do you do, if you don't you don't. So be it. Again, thank you!**

**BellaAlice4E!**


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